February 22, 2010

For my birthday, Sheri bought me tickets to see a Christian singer that we love out in Lodi. We enjoyed the show and both felt it was good to get away from all of the worries of life for just a couple of hours. I am so thankful for my sister and her never ending love and support. We didn't get home until pretty late and by the time I got to bed, it seemed like it was already time to get up again. My plan this morning was to get to the hospital by 6AM so that I could hopefully meet with Dad's doctors and discuss this idea of moving him to another facility. Unfortunately, I woke up at 4AM as planned, but didn't get out of the house until 7 and arrived at 7:30. When I got to the ICU front desk, I was of course asked what I needed because visiting hours don't start till 10AM. I explained that I drove out because I needed to see my father this morning and the nurse called to Dad's nurse to see if I could come in and see him. I was told yes and I gowned and gloved, entering Dad's room. I met with his nurse today, Kim. She is absolutely one of the kindest nurses and people I have ever met. I can't say enough about the people at Stanford. The are incredible individuals that treat my father like their own; I call them "Dad's Angels". Kim explained that Dad had a very rough night. He didn't sleep and at 6:30AM they unfortunately had to put him back on the respirator at 50% oxygen. I am saddened by this news and talk with Kim a bit more. Dad is awake and anxious this morning. He wavers on the verge of tears and seems so sad and discouraged over the last few days. I hold his hand and talk with him about what is happening in my life. I remind him of all of he amazing people who love him that are constantly praying for him. I know after seeing Dad that I need my family with me today. I can tell that I will need to stay the course today and I call Sheri, Mom and Tammy to fill them in on the latest news of Dad. Sheri is at the office trying to get things handled and utter and complete guilt fills my heart that she is dealing with things at work for me and my business. I tell her not to worry and to please come to the hospital; Mom quickly cancels the eye doctor appointment she has and tells me she is on her way. Tammy unfortunately is unable to leave work as her boss is not in and I promise to keep her posted on the day's events. Sheri arrives and she and I spend time with Dad. Kim tells us that Dad is going to have to have surgery again today. Although the three drains they removed, did their required work of draining Dad's chest, he is struggling again with his breathing. They don't have any plans to reduce the ventilator today since they like to keep him as comfortable and calm as possible before a procedure of any kind. I call Ed and he contacts Pastor Zelt from our home church, Prince of Peace. Pastor tells Ed he is planning to drive right out to the hospital to see Dad. He arrives at about 1:00 and we take him back to Dad's room. We are so thankful for Pastor Zelt. He is an amazing Man of God and we pray that his time with Dad today will be uplifting and encouraging. I know how busy he is and am so glad that he was able to come and spend time with Dad. Dad was so happy to see Pastor and he gave a huge smile when he saw him walk into his room. Dad knows that Pastor and our church was always praying for him over the past three years and I know that seeing him was what Dad really needed today. We discuss the surgery that Dad will have today and the doctors explain that the reason Dad needs another drain put in is that the antibiotics just haven't been able to fight this area in his chest. It is a very difficult area to treat, Kim explains to us. Dad will have his surgery at around 5PM today. When Mom arrives we head up to see Dad and she tells him how much he is needed at home. She needs him to plant the flowers and Nikki and Shadow miss him so much. Dad smiles at Mom and then looks at her with such sadness. I know how much he wants to go home and more than anything we want to get him out of the hospital, but because of the ventilator, it's just not possible. We are told at 4PM that Dad is leaving to go to surgery, we say our good byes and each of us squeezes his hand and tells him that we love him and will be waiting for him to return. Sheri starts to leave Dad's side and Dad looks at her and points and mouths where are the doctors. She tells him the are waiting for him in the operating room and he kind of points at her and mouths something about her doing the surgery. We get a good laugh at the fact that Dad for a brief moment thinks Sheri is going to perform his surgery. It must have been the gown and gloves and I am sure the steady stream of faces sometimes causes him to have to do a double take with us. He chuckles when he realizes his mistake and we leave to wait for him to have his surgery.

It should be a couple of hours. We head down to atrium to wait together. I enjoy these times, because we are together and we can talk about how we are feeling and what we think about what is happening with Dad. After about 1 1/2 hours we head up to the desk to check on Dad's progress. The man at the desk looks at us and says, "Your father?". I say my father and her husband, pointing at Mom. He looks at Sheri, then at Mom, then at me and he says, "You are all sisters". Well let me just tell you, Mom was pretty happy about that comment! I on the other hand, having turned 50 on the 14th, am not thrilled to hear this and on top of that, one of my clients thought that I was Sheri's mother the other day! As we are getting ready to head back to the ICU Waiting Room to wait for Dad, we see his surgeon Dr. Whyte. Dr. Whyte knows us of course as he has done several surgeries for Dad up to now. We ask if he was doing the surgery and he explains that he didn't even know that Dad was in surgery today. He leaves to check and see what is going on for us and also to find the family that he originally came to find when we stopped him. He returns and we sit together and discuss Dad's condition and our worries about his lack of improvement and return to the ventilator. He explains that Dad is receiving a good amount of calories each day, but that he is concerned that he isn't putting on any weight, in fact he is loosing weight. He is also very concerned about Dad being back on the ventilator as he was off for two full days over the weekend and now is needing it again. He said that we need to sit down tomorrow and talk with "Dad's ICU Team" and with him to decide what our next course of treatment will be. We check in to find that Dad has returned to his room and is sleeping peacefully. Kim is still there and will remain until 7PM and she really wants Dad to rest. We agree and plan to leave him for the night. Sheri and I drive to the office and begin the task of returning calls and handling the business of the day. I can't say enough about the amazing people who I call "my clients". They have been so supportive and understanding throughout this journey with Dad. I am so blessed and thank God for the wonderful people in my life. I get home and Mom and I talk for a long time, we finally go to bed at about 11:30 and I tell her that I love her. She is trying so hard to stay strong right now, but I know that this is so hard for her. I lay in bed trying to sleep and finally I do. What tomorrow holds I don't know, but I am so thankful that Dad made it through yet another surgery and that he is resting peacefully tonight.